


Inno

by SparklingPurplePumpkin



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: #chunks of actual life#will be sad#but everyone's happy #I suck at putting tags, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-09 18:24:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7812394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingPurplePumpkin/pseuds/SparklingPurplePumpkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt/Reason I’m writing this? I was reading sebaciel fanfics, and right in the middle of one of them, I suddenly thought that Sebastian could not be happy if the boy he took care of since he was 10 was suddenly turning…kinky. I know Seb’ isn’t his mother but I found it funny and interesting to think of what would happen. And I had a very boring assignment to write that day, so... But since I definitely ship SebaCiel and I don’t like to write sad endings, it’ll go better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, a few things about me first: 1) English is not my native language, so please let me know when I make mistakes! 2) I’ve always liked to write stuff, but this is my first fanfic. This is also the first time I’ll post online something I’ve written. So once again, don’t hold back your comments, positive or negative! 3) I like caramels. But this has nothing to do here. 4) This fanfic will be short (4 chapters). 5) My keyboard doesn’t like me. Sorry if some letters miss. Here are some you can place wherever it’s needed: nfezhpfiHRZ¨mmmmaopcsgjhjkggg.
> 
> The cladistics part is only here because my best friend told me this exact thing. (It wasn’t actually about my parents but my grandmother…you’ll see) Offensive and dark but it makes me laugh every time I think of it. Yes I’m going to hell, but at least I’ll meet Sebastian there. The two sentences in French are from poems I like, they’re translated at the end. Oh, and just so you know: I’m crazy, but the monologs in Sebastian’s head do not reflect my opinions, only those of a lost not-a-soul, and he’ll go back to normal later. Except for the parts about cats. Cats are happiness.

It was a beautiful morning of June, the air was warm, full of promises, birds celebrating the day and cherries shining in the trees. Ciel was working as always, a ray of sun on his head made him look like a little angel. His butler entered the room with a glass of lemonade and a creamy Saint-Honoré, coated with lime-flavored caramel. He put them on the desk in front of his young master and kept a straight face, like he hadn’t noticed the boy’s smile. The grey Earl sure was English, but he was happy to drink something else than tea, once in a lifetime. He ate the gateau really slowly, enjoying every bite of it. Everything was perfect.  
In the afternoon, Sebastian gave him an entomology lesson. This was a particular one, though. He taught him about the insects that come on a dead body once it is dead. After all, the boy didn’t need to learn about butterflies or ladybugs, which role in life is to bring dreams and not to be cut open and studied, he had to gain skills to be the better Watchdog. Plus, he enjoyed it. It matched perfectly his independent, mature and dark side.

After that came the cladistics class.

“Do you know what cladistics is?

-… Don’t be stupid, it’s the first time you mention this word. And since I only read interesting things, your question is pointless. Spit out your answer so we can get this over quickly.

–As you wish. It’s the science that puts the living into boxes. Much like your parents.

– Say what?? – It’s time you learn to be polite, young master, otherwise some people might start to answer offensively. And you don’t want that to happen, do you? So, let’s start over and try to answer properly this time.” he said with amusement in his eyes.

Ciel should have been angry enough to order his stupid butler to walk around in one of Lizzy’s dress, or even dressed like Grell, or _more classically_ a good old “go fuck yourself” would do the trick… but there was something in those eyes that made his head freeze. Was it because of the dark powers he saw in them? Or maybe because he knew how easily his butler would kill him if only he bothered to try? After all, he was nothing but a small and fragile 13-yo noble boy who couldn’t even button his own shirts. A cold shiver ran down his spine. He actually knew perfectly why he couldn’t be mad at the man standing in front of him. That made him feel weaker, but at the same time more mature.

Sebastian was acting perfectly normal after the little incident during the class. He knew he shouldn’t have said that, but it was for academic purpose after all. Still, he was lucky Ciel’s mind was stronger than his body. He sighed and began preparations for dinner. He wanted the food to sound like apologies, so he cooked the boy’s favorite meal. But I couldn’t make him tell me what it is, sorry fangirls! He then placed homemade lemon and melon sorbet in a crystal cup, added some caramelized almonds, melted chocolate, Chantilly and a fresh cherry. He decorated it with a little umbrella to make it more festive. No one more than his young Master needed to be more festive.

He looked at the Earl while he was enjoying the meal, a peaceful expression floating on his face, wondering how the boy could eat that much and still be so skinny. It seemed like food had no effect on his body. For almost two years, he had been eating soup every day _no results. At least he wasn’t smaller… Sebastian stopped daydreaming: Ciel had finished his dinner, it was now time for some poetry and then sleep.  
Ciel was reading French poetry with a perfect voice. He made melancholia float in the room, but didn’t take it too far, it wasn’t pure distress or depression. He had discovered Baudelaire when he was reading Edgar Allan Poe. These two universes were curiously similar and both of them remembered him of his life. The Albatross for instance. (How pretentious. How so really true. The poem was about the poet, lost in society, forced to live among inferior beings. That was definitely him, his butler couldn’t agree more. Ciel was a rare masterpiece, forced to cope with his servants, his job as a watchdog, strange characters like Lau and his “sisters”, Undertaker, Madam Red (oh no, not anymore), annoying people like Grell or, worst of all, his fiancée. Life was really throwing every imaginable obstacle on his path.) The little voice made both of them fly in the air, float on the sea, and walk like a drunk man along with the bird. He had a perfect tone and (of course) a perfect accent. “Exilé sur le sol au milieu des huées, ses ailes de géant l’empêchent de marcher” * The magic fainted, Sebastian opened his eyes. He didn’t know when he had closed them. “Tonight exceptionally, you can read one more, young Master”. He didn’t allow this only to be nice, he also wanted this moment to last a little bit longer.

“…l’essence divine de mes amours recomposés” **. Still in a dreamy state, Sebastian put the leather-covered book back on its shelf and he quit the room, carrying the little Ciel in his arms. He put him on his bed and started to undress him. “What did you think about tonight’s poem, Sebastian?” asked Ciel, his voice sounding oddly anxious through his sleepiness. “Beautiful as always, young Master. You choose quite well and your reading has improved. –It was about me, about…” he stopped talking, looking at his toes. “forget it, I don’t know why I… -Something is bothering you, I can see it. What is it, my Lord?” Ciel was uncomfortable with what he had to say, for the first time in quite a while he would be admitting he had feelings…Feelings he couldn’t eve, characterize properly. He spoke too fast and the wrong words came out. “Iwanna’vesexwithyou”. Hearing what he said, his cheeks turned bright red ***. He looked at Sebastian with big wet eyes, hoping he would understand and correct himself. Of course this wasn’t what he meant. He was feeling something way bigger than that.

But that’s what Sebastian heard. Something broke inside him. He wished he never asked that question. But it was too late. Those few little words had taken and torn apart the Ciel he thought he knew. This one was lost. The little boy that summoned him, fierce and despaired, pure like some pale and melancholic XVIIIth century virgin, was dead. Worse, it was stained. What was standing in front of him was a slug, crawling in its silk sheets, covered with dirt, something he deeply loved only one second ago but he was now disgusted about. And that thing didn’t even know about its dishonor.

Ciel…no, the young… no, the…the Master, yes, from now on he was simply a Master, simply a human. The Master was still staring at him, and the demon realized his own surprised look was, in that order : turning the human on a little bit more, making him feel insecure, and starting to last for over one second, which was really not suitable for the hell of a butler he was.

Instead, he composed a little smile. Oh god, his Master couldn’t be serious, the smile made him even more lustful. He concentrated. After all, it was all natural. It existed in every species. Like cats. And he still considered cats as little fluffy baby clouds. Well, cats did screw from times to times, but not with him, so of course he was okay with that. And cats did this to make more kittens, to add more perfection to this world, so it was even more okay. (He needed a cat, right now. Sara, Luna, Tom, Felix, the first he’ll see. Feeling the soft fur between his fingers, the quiets purrs in his ears and against his ribs...)  
Still, he was puzzled. But his eyes started suddenly to sparkle. Of course, his cute little Ciel didn’t know the two of them couldn’t make babies. He just wanted a little piece of something they made together. It was time to speak now, or at least do something. His smile widened and he poked his little nose. “Why not make something else together? Like clay models? It will be interesting, new and you could keep it afterwards”.  
Ciel’s eyes narrowed, he moved back a little, putting his arm between him and his butler with an angered ‘Tsk’. He sighed. “My will is precise, and so were my words. You have to follow my desires.” “I only have to follow your orders, Master. And please don’t make this an order.” whispered Sebastian. “Get out. Get out right now and don’t come back.” spoke the Earl clearly, with a strange mix of disappointment, fear, anger and sadness in his voice.  
Sebastian bowed lightly, a hand on his chest. “Yes, my Lord”.

He quit the room without another word, not turning back to look at the boy on the bed. His eyes were half closed and his sight blurry because of the water that sealed his eyelids. He walked towards Mey-Rin’s room. He enjoyed her clumsiness, she was nice. But she was like the others. Bardroy…well, Bardroy didn’t have any interest in him. Hopefully. But he had the annoying habit to burn or burst something every day and never learnt from his mistakes. Finnian would do it. He was loyal, clumsy as well but he could never harm another innocent being. Even if that human being wasn’t so innocent. Yes, Finnian was the person he liked the most at this very moment. But it was nothing like his Ciel. Finnian was a cookie whereas Ciel used to be a chocolate charlotte with a lot of Chantilly, little sugar stars and raspberries. He had always pretended to be unable to taste human food, but sugar was actually like melted kitten for the heart. Which was a little weird.

He knocked, calmly, three little series of knocks, calling Finny after each. The blonde boy opened the door, one eye still closed, the pompon of his night hat resting on his shoulder. When he recognized the man, he suddenly looked fully awake.  
“S…Sebastian? Did I do something bad again? – No Finny, you didn’t.”  
He really didn’t. Bad was just…not him. Sebastian was starting to feel gloomy, like Grell after a pack of beer. Oh Grell…he didn’t look that bad now, did he? At least he didn’t have the appearance of youth, childhood and purity. The demon had lost his faith in his Ciel’s innocence and that was the biggest pain that ever occurred in centuries. He needed to concentrate. A few more minutes. After this he could be a mess, but not now. The contract made him a butler, and he had always wanted to be the best butler ever.

  
“Actually, I have a task for you.”

The child’s eyes widened in happiness and pride:

“Sure, say it and I’ll do it!

-I need you to take care of the Earl while I’ll be away.

–Where are you going?

–If someone asks, say you don’t know.

–Aaah right, I’ll say this. But who would ask? I guess this isn’t important! Ok I’ll look after him. Have fun during your trip! Oh but you look tired, are you all right? You should drink milk, Mey Rin says it’s very important for the bones, and this must be true because she’s falling all the time but never broke a bone.”

Finnian stopped rambling and realized Sebastian had vanished. He wondered how he could do this. Maybe he was a ninja. He should ask him when he’ll be back. He came back to sleep, wondering if ninjas were allowed to wear hairpins and hats.

As soon as Sebastian stepped outside of the manor, he threw his chandelier on the ground, ripped off his tailcoat and sat miserably under a tree to cry. He felt awful. He didn’t even know he could feel. Of course he liked cats, Mey Rin’s clumsiness, sugar, cool stones, and Ciel. But he never considered that a feeling, because it only made his mind peaceful instead of making him feel alive. And now…now a huge part of it was gone. Now his head was unbalanced. He was upset because of what the Master said, and even more upset because he knew there was nothing much to be upset about. All this bunch of sadness made him over sensitive, worse than a human.

After a while, he stopped crying and stood up. The sky was turning pink, sun about to show up. He grabbed the candelabra and his _now dirty_ tailcoat and started walking in the streets of London.  
He felt… like he was the spleen described in the poems he used to read with his Master. La Charogne (The Carcass). Yep, that’s what all the time they spent together had been about. Deterioration.  
He could never look at anything blue again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1_ L’Albatros/The Albatross, by Baudelaire (Flowers of Evil), it means : “But, stranded on the earth to jeering crowds / The great wings of the giant baulk his gait”. Actually my favorite poem. Translation by Roy Campbell, available on Fleursdumal.org  
> 2_ This one is the end of « Une Charogne ». It means : “the divine substance / Of my decomposed loves” . If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to do so, it’s beautiful! And I think it perfectly applies to Ciel and Sebastian relationship. Translation by Geooffrey Wagner, also available on Fleursdumal.org  
> 3_ Just like mine, right now. Just writing this sentence makes me as red as Grell’s hair, I’m a sad case x). I do blush for nothing… One of my friends calls me Rudolf the red-cheeked chick, and I’m also known as Tomato or Firework. (I hesitated about making Sebastian give him these nicknames but it would have destroyed the ambiance so…here it is.)  
> Aaand, there’s one tiny reference to a TV show in this chapter… I think it’s easy to spot, so if you found it, let me know! Btw, sorry I ramble that much in the notes, it’s because I’m so nervous about you all judging my “work” x)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. Implied rape of a child in the 12th paragraph. I condamn such actions, but sadly they happen more often than we think. (This character will get revenge.) You have been warned, don't read if it's a sensible subject for you.

People naturally parted when they saw this tall man with a dark look on his face. An aura of authority arose from him. He was holding a tailcoat. Maybe he was some former rich nobleman who had lost almost everything at gambling. Maybe not. He could be worried because of his work.

He was indeed.

He hoped he wasn’t getting Finny in big trouble. What if the Earl wanted to…have his way with the owl-eyed boy? No. Who was he kidding. He knew perfectly he was the problem. From the very beginning.

It had always been the same. He hadn’t even eaten one soul, ever, because the contracts were always broken at some point. His last one was made with an XVIIIth century lady who had been abused for years by her husband and his friends. As soon as he appeared, she saw him as a charming prince. He killed the trash that was harming her but could never allow her to accomplish her wish. She wanted to start a new life and a family with her true love. And that love, was him. She was a little stupid though, what was the point of giving birth to a baby and die right away? Useless for her, a lifetime of despair for the child who would have felt responsible for the killing of her mother by his father. It all sounded like a Greek tragedy. But he guessed he couldn’t expect much better from someone less than average, raised by stupid parents who achieved the destruction of her brain and spirit by giving her to an abusive man. Sebastian thought he might be becoming a good man : helping people (to some extent) and then vanish. Indeed, this wasn’t the first time.

During the XIVth century, a prostitute the whole town was making fun of. Even her clients. She had wished to kill them all, but applied a vip treatment to some. She ordered Sebastian to bring them in a dungeon where she used the more refined tortures on them until life gave up on their cold, bloody carcasses. This was the first time he saw a human gently peel off the skin of another one, while the victim was slowly turning above a fire. That was cool. And she was hot. All these temperature variations in four sentences made him feel dizzy. For the remaining inhabitants of the town, she ordered a contagious disease that would kill painfully after disfiguring the infected persons. They both enjoyed together the spectacle of the Black Death picking victims randomly, it was their macabre game. Oddly enough, this turned her on. This woman was a fury. She almost raped him and he was about to vanish and break the contract when a fact hit his mind with the violence of one’s spine through his head after jumping from the top of London Tower. She was born to be a demon. He turned her into one of his kind and he kept having play dates with her on a regular basis. She was a creative and resourceful lady, and honestly his best friend. Except when she was drunk on killing and started to hit on him.

Prehistory. He was stupid to come during that time, but he had been curious. Back then, alpha males were big hunters who basically killed most of animals and jumped most of females. Beta males were not so bad but not perfect, and had women a little less often. The one who called him was clearly an omega, and if any archaeologist or paleontologist wondered, Sebastian could confirm homosexuality already existed back then.

  1. A young woman who wanted to find her family back after World War I. She simply stopped to care about it and tried to trick him into bed. Charming lady.



And he could go on a while like this.

Even a useless prick of an exuberant shinigami desired him. How shameful.

He couldn’t have a normal relationship. After a while, it seemed like every one he was getting close to wanted to fuck him. He withered everything he approached. Beauty was his curse.

And this curse started early.

  1. He was human. He was 8. His father entered his room, like he did every night. “Wake up, boy.” He did. He wasn’t even asleep. He followed the man in the basement, like he did every night. “You’re so beautiful, I couldn’t wait”. “How am I supposed to take my hands off you?”. “Don’t you like it?” No, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the basement, the crude light, the cold walls, the sticky mattress, the awful Pinocchio tattoo who was forcing his nose into the child’s mouth, the hand of this man padding his head and his satisfied voice calling him good boy, pretty boy. He hated it with all his little heart. He had hated it all his life and even since he was a demon he hadn’t stopped hating it for one second.



So that was it. No normal family. No pure friendship. No normal colleagues. No clients he could deal with properly. It was his fault, for being…him.  “You’re pretty”. Was that a sin?

There was only one exception.

A 14 years old girl, 2011. She used to get beaten at home, bullied at school and insulted a lot at both. He found that funny, how a treatment very well tolerated by society was suddenly horrifying only a couple of centuries later. Puny humans. He was glad she called, though. She was really interesting. She had lived two months without feeling anything before calling him. It was a reasoned decision, not a deep scream of despair like all the ones he had known. She was perfectly conscious of all the risks and consequences of every decision she made, and very mature for her age. (A lot like Ciel.) She was actually gifted, and that was the reason of her bullying at school and bad treatment at home. She had already sacrified a part of her reason to stay alive. Several years before, she had made the choice of living in a constant dream and not throw herself through a window. Like the dumb teenager she…wasn’t, actually, since she was 7 back then, she had cut herself, two or three times. But unlike most others, it was only because the red blood on her white skin fascinated her. It fascinated Sebastian as well, from the first time he saw it. Red blood on snowy white surface. Snow white actually started like this, as she told him. This was also present in other books (like the legend of the Grail, or a King without distraction). She liked to read, she had been drowning her pain in books, drugging her mind, forgetting her body. So she had lived seven years in books and dreams. The half of her tiny life.

A few moments after she turned 14, she started living in a dorm with two girls she didn’t know and didn’t like, but at least she wasn’t home anymore. It’s during that year that she spent these two months without one single feel. She didn’t feel emotions, such as happiness, pain, anger, joy, fear, courage, but she also didn’t feel warm or cold, hunger or thirst. She only had the very clear sensation she was becoming a monster. From that point, she had three choices: 1) let it be. Become that robot or that beast, live a lifetime without feeling or become a serial killer. 2) die. Right away, wouldn’t matter for the world. 3) get helped. She took the third one. She had at least one human thing : the fact she was beginning to be slightly intrigued about herself. That meant one day she could regret what she had become, and this was not an option for her. Never make anything you can regret later. The whole world was against her, this was enough without her joining the world. And she didn’t want to die because she had already lived through a lot. She kinda wanted to know what was next. What life or fate could come up with to make her suffer. A kind of curiosity. And she didn’t want the bad guys to win. Because she was still too proud to lose against those bastards. So she needed help. Of course, not a school counselor or this kind of help who would bring trouble into her now-more-or-less-quiet life. Not someone who would raise memories, go talk to all these people, bring dark questions to life… No. Being already half-crazy, she had naturally chosen to call a demon. A demon that can be summoned to be your faithful butler. Or, well, your butler. A demon is a demon, she knew that. She knew he could rip her guts out. Drive her completely crazy. Destroy her life. But it was totally worth the challenge. She was to a point in her life where nothing could have gone more wrong. She hadn’t any friend, her family frightened her, she had health problems and the freedom of being alone and introspect, followed by those months without feeling, had made her completely careless about her studies.

So she called him. She made a salted pentacle. Took all her precautions against demonic payback (if things could get better, she didn’t want it to be destroyed later). Drew a symbol on a paper. She followed the entire ritual and was exhausted when he appeared. Given the past he smelled, the great amount of horror movies and delightfully devilish books inside her computer, he thought she was going for a bloody revenge, involving lots of torture. She was naturally inclined to this. But instead, she asked him to make her family better, help her becoming someone good by taking care of her and playing the role of her virtually nonexistent parents to drive her into adulthood, and keep the third wish for himself as long as it didn’t harm anybody.

He looked at her, surprised. She thought she had nothing, what she didn’t know is that she had herself. A sparkle of life, deep inside her eyes. And she also didn’t know it, but this was the one and only reason she hadn’t kill herself.

A smile was buried, deep inside her. And laughter, too. This took a while, but one day they rose and burst in the light of a sunny morning.

After that day, she never stopped laughing.

He was in love. He loved her, her strength, her personality, how nothing could bend her anymore. He liked to hear her being very witty or totally absurd when speaking to people, he liked how she only saw the bright side of everyone, how she could be interested by insignificant things,  but how completely careless she could be of “real problems”. Nothing was a problem to her anymore, she just dealt with it. All this had not affected her imagination, she kept living between her world and reality, most of the time bringing her dreams to the real world, or dive in her own head when she felt like so. She was even. Quiet and nice with absolutely everybody, no matter who they were. But she wasn’t dumb. When someone was doing too much to her, she only needed one sentence to make them stop. She dealt with humor. No one had never seen her angry or depressed. He was the only one to know about her dark secrets, her nightmares, the urges she had sometimes to cut herself again _every time she went back to her parents, with whom she was forming now an almost normal family_, the literally hell of books she was still reading from time to time, the shivers that went down her spine when she held a knife, or scissors, razorblades, even sharp rocks sometimes. And when she did cut herself, which was rare, he admired the ruby red of the fresh blood on the diamond white of the soft skin. He could even taste her soul in these moments, it was wonderful. Despite that, he didn’t allow her to do so often _he was the only one around to take care of her.

And she loved him. She liked everybody, but he was the one and only person she deeply loved, because he was the only person in the entire universe, in all dimensions, who had never harmed her in any way. (So fragile…Emotionally, she was still a little child.) She knew he took care of her because of the contract, but she also knew there was another reason. She would have given her life and soul for him. Even the worlds she had in her head, she would have sacrified if needed. He was the only one who had looked at her and not laughed at her. The one who was nice to her, day after day. The one who hugged her for the first time since she was a toddler. The one who saw her as a person and not a freak show despite the fact she was “gifted”, who understood how mature she was but also understood when she wanted to act like she was 3. The one who never hit her. She used to be called stupid, dumb, useless prick, but she enjoyed speaking with him and she knew he did too. The little girl who used to hate herself and cry herself to sleep every night felt beautiful in her eyes. And he was handsome, too. At the same time charismatic and strong, but nice and funny. (She was the first person ever to say he was funny). She even liked his demonic form. (This was very unusual too). Feeling his crossed arms on her torso and his hands on her shoulders was the best feeling in the world. It was heaven. (And he remembered how this sensation changed but still kept the same. The first time, all he felt was ribs and bones, tiny bones wrapping around his neck. Precious porcelain. Flower button after a cold winter. But with time, she had started to develop _too much stress during her childhood had belated that as well_, and after a while she had a soft skin, bright hair, just enough flesh. Beautiful gem. Flower blossom). And she loved that he was a demon, able to distort human perception so she could sit on her lap in class without anyone noticing his presence. (He loved her for asking him to do this. He was having fun without killing or torturing people, this was new for him). They also shared the night. They sat next to an open window at 2 am, or even sometimes went outside for a walk, enjoying the eerie atmosphere of night. Sometimes they just looked at the stars quietly, sometimes they whispered everything they could think of. He knew a marvelous amount of stuff about everything, she could have listened for hours to his chocolate, comfy voice.

He didn’t eat her soul because this wasn’t a term of the contract. When consciously and carefully summoned, the demon can’t steal the human. She would have let him though. She had already let him control her body for a day, while still in it. But he wouldn’t have taken her, because he loved her. Even more surprising, she was the only human he had ever respected.

He quit her when she turned 18. Legally and by many aspects, she was a grown up. He refused to do to her what their burning bodies wanted, because he didn’t want to steal her destiny from her, or to steal her from her destiny. Far more than an adult, the young girl had become an angel.

 

Thinking of her gave him hope. She had purely and deeply loved him. It was possible. It wasn’t his fault after all. He couldn’t let his father destroy him, not after all this time, not always. He was dead. Well, they both were, but at least Sebastian was still present, while he couldn’t even remember his father’s face, only the back of his head and his tattoo. He could still change things. He could overwrite these sentences with happiness instead of shame and disgust. How could he be the Phantomhive butler if he couldn’t be as strong as a little girl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part with the caveman just popped in the jungle of my mind, and now I’m wondering if homosexuality did exist back then. (I think so, because it has been proven to exist in other species so this must have existed even before Antique Greece. But I’m not sure. And if not, I’d like to know when it appeared.) Also, maybe you’ll find the part about the girl too long and boring, but I needed this to explain why didn't go out with her despite loving her and now loves Ciel equally.  
> Anyway, please comment and let me know if I made mistakes! (And sorry about the end notes of the previous chapter appearing here. I don't know how to remove them)


	3. Chapter 3

He stood up. He had to go find his angel (his guardian angel? If demons could have one, then she would be his.), and he knew where to go.

“Ronald, call the *anti insects* service, creepy crawleys like this are not allowed in this building, and should not even be allowed on earth.

\- Fuck you Will. Disappear.

\- … (complete shock)

\- I meant, darn, you will disappear someday. I just realized this and I’m so sad about it.”

That aggressivity was uncalled for, but he really despised this reaper.

“- I’ll inform you that, as a Reaper, I’m already dead. Therefore, I could not disappear. Even your big sword in Hannah’s throat (Ronald chuckled) has no effect on me. Only a death scythe could harm me.

\- I happen to know your condition very well. In fact, there are two other things that could injure a Grim Reaper.

\- That would be?

\- Magic. And angels.

Will lost a bit of his composure and his glasses tried to commit suicide but he stopped them before they reached the tip of his nose and fell. He exchanged a slightly panicked look with Ronald. It was the first time in history that a demon would know this. Of course, this very one and a bunch of humans knew for the angels since the end of season 1, but the magical part…? The Grim Reaper Foundation had done its best, century after century, to hide that fact from other species.

Sebastian added with a light grin:

“And I happen to be able to bring both right here.” It was technically true, if they didn’t stop him he would be able to do it.

They shivered. If they weren’t lucky enough to die, they would have so much to do to clean up the disaster that even their grandchildren would have to stay late at work.

“But I won’t if you let me sneak into the library.” After a while, he whispered “trust me, I don’t lie.”

Will was caught in a mental dilemma. He hated Sebastian, his style, the fact he was able to become a slave in hope of a meal. He couldn’t let him into that sanctuary. Plus, Will happened to have a very strong sense of moral (the term you’re searching for is “psycho”), and the rules were clear about access to the Library.

It was Ronald who talked first. “Yeah, trading our lives for dusty books sounds like a deal. Oh, and if you’re searching for the dirty ones, they’re in my office. Except for the disgusting ones, you would have to ask Undertaker.”

Sebastian was pretty sure he had read at least some of them _before turning an angel, that girl was into some pretty gory trip and the books she read were not suitable for a teenage girl, especially not for an angel, and even questionable for someone who enjoyed being in a cemetery and dancing with dead corpses.

Yeah, she had went through a lot and her innocence was soiled very soon. With her childhood stolen from her and no positive feelings around her, no wonder she needed such strong readings. She also enjoyed strong food. Salty and spicy, or very sugary. This was the only way she could taste something.

He remembered the first time he had to cook for his Master… He didn’t like the meal. He wasn’t like her. He was a spoiled brat. One problem and he screamed for help. His parents’, and then his. “I don’t want to die”, ok, most humans would have trade their soul for that. “Kill that man”. Always funny, so why not. “Bring me cake”. You serious? You have a demon, and you ask him for cake. Not even an outworldly flavored cake, noooo, chocolate cake. How original. That child had no pride. He didn’t even try to solve his problems by himself.

And then it hit him. There was one problem he tried to deal with alone. He hadn’t say “Sebastian, love me”, even though he could have.

And another thought hit him. If he wasn’t that spoiled, he would maybe become an angel _meaning he would have to stay away from him.

And yet another thing hit him. It was Will’s fist. Instead of impressing his perfect knuckles into the other’s chin, he calmly took the Reaper’s glasses off of his nose and walked away. It was quite enjoyable seeing him trying to run like a drunk man and hit the receptionist’s desk (while Ronald was already hitting on the receptionist, currently not giving a fuck about them).

He reached the library and walked towards the “Blatantly Out of Ordinary Beings Section”. First time in his life (or death) he actually aimed for BOOBS. And what was he searching there? An angel. It kinda made sense in a way. He remembered teaching French as Father Michaelis. (and this religious estate remembered him of some of the angel’s books. Small world huh?) An angel was kind of a saint. Which, in French, is pronounced like sein, which means boob. Try to not burst in laughter while saying to a class of 13 yo boys “Don’t you agree _seins_ are always beautifully pictured?”. Not funny? Well, I guess you have to be there.

He stopped rambling when he arrived in front of the shelves. Her name was engraved in his heart for eternity, and he quickly found her record. “Born 1997, became an angel in 2015. First time she was beaten up: 02-24-03, first time she was spitted on, first time she was injured by an assembly, first time she was raped, first time she was robbed, first time she was left for dead. First time she discovered magic. He already knew all that. First time she was happy: 06-24-2013. He could never forget that day. The day he heard her laugh. Day she became an angel: 09-24-2015. Yeah, he remembered leaving her a few months before _must have been the 24th of the month, seeing how everything seemed to happen at this date for her. He browsed through the whole record before seeing, on the last page, beautifully written: “I’ve read and agree with what is written there. (Though I do not know why they want to write it down) I confirm that I’ve become an angel this day, 09-24-15, and may I add it was only possible because of the best friend I could ever have dreamed of.” At the bottom of the page “Printed in 2015 for the G.R.F. To contact the author, ask Grell Sutcliffe. To contact the subject (his heart skipped a beat. That’s why it had to let go its dream of being a professional drummer), spin 3 times on yourself and say “leather-filled Razorback”. Non sense, of course, that was her who chose the words. He did as said, but nothing happened. He smiled. That was so definitely her. He had to work on it for a while. He finally said “Sunny Heatherfield”, without even spinning.

She appeared. He immediately felt good. Her arms were locked around his neck and big blue wings were creating a comforting screen between them and the rest of the world. “So sweet to see you, Sebisan. I was afraid you would never crack the code, or worse, you wouldn’t want to see me again.”

He kissed her on the jaw, near her ear, and replied with a smirk “What kind of demon would I be if I couldn’t even see my angelic best friend?”

“- What the actual fuck d’you mean, bro?”

Oh, right. He had forgotten she had never heard him use this formula. He had met her before he met Ciel (yeah, time is not continuous line for demons, so 2015 was actually before 1885 for him). He hadn’t forgotten about her language, though. Typical for a 21st century teen (but let’s face it, less typical for an angel), and logical given the fact she had to hide her last bits of dreams and innocence behind a screen of vulgarity.

“- Well hey, long time no see. How are you doing?

\- Good. Well, sometimes I feel stupid, always dancing around clouds with my harp…

\- How long has it been?

\- 140 years dude.

\- And after all this time…??

\- Always. Always having a fucktard doll smile on my face and pretending to not know how to curse and to actually give a shit about everyone’s wills… ‘Mean, don’t give me wrong, I do care about people. I just can’t care properly about everyone. And you wouldn’t believe humans. “please allow my son to go well”, k, but I’m no magician lady, next time bring him to a hospital, “please make me win the lottery”, so original, “send me back my lost socks”, yeah, what a challenge, “take good care of us”, be more specific or go buy a fucking dog to do that. Some o’ them are very interesting, but most annoy the hell out of me. And the colleagues don’t even seem to know how to brain. You ask them for something, they do it. “I don’t want to go to my grandma’s birthday”, bam, next thing you know she’s dead. But not even a funny death. Just “Dusty Osiris, or Bald Buddha, or Jesus tapdancing Christ called her back, may she be happy in the afterlife”… Gosh, I hate working with human shaped machines.

So good to feel you again.”

She pressed her cheek against his chest and chuckled “no homo”. “…I believe you’re not quite aware of what you’re saying…

\- Nope, angels don’t have a sex, remember? Or more specifically, we’re both male and female.

\- Oh, well, that’s great for parity.

\- Yeah, and for purity too. We have both attributes, but kind of stuck in a way that makes things impossible.

\- You know, sometimes it’s appreciable to keep a part of mystery even with your friends. You’re currently giving me way more information than needed.

\- Oh sorry. I really am. It’s just… I haven’t talked to anyone in a century.

\- Wow, baby, is that so? You really can’t blend in anywhere, can you?

\- I don’t wanna. I hate being an angel, but it’s not a job you can willingly quit. All you can do is make a big mistake and get fired.

\- Big mistakes, like?

\- D’you happen to know Angela? Angela the angel. Whiter than a bride. But not as white as laundry done with Mir…

\- Yeah, her “look at me I’m so not dark” look… Is this your type of emo kids where you live?

\- Yup. Well she tried killing people without being asked to, so she was fired, but you kinda killed her so…

\- She was starting to get on my nerves.

\- No shit Sherlock. She had the capacity to make literally everyone angry. Which is the most common form of cohesion amongst angels as well as humans. Hey, wait a sec, you didn’t bring me to talk about her d’you?

\- Don’t be afraid, I do consider you as an angel but most of all as my dear friend.

\- Oh, how d’you find my code by the way?

\- Please, you call that a code, I call that a private joke. Leather-filled… Well, knowing you, I first thought of very non angelic things. And the razor part didn’t help… But then I understood. How an angel trying to talk to a demon would make a reference to the witch she used to be and to the vampires and demons she used to admire. So…Leather-filled was clearly Heatherfield, a reference to Witch, and razorbacks was a Buffy reference. Buffy, field, the link was Sunnydale, so I went for Sunny Heatherfield.

\- That’s why I like you. You could just have used your powers to invade the spirit of the one who wrote the sentence, given that it was handwritten, but you chose to play along.”

Sebastian would have died before admitting he didn’t even think of that.

“I need your help, girl.”

She listened to him carefully. When he stopped talking, she simply asked “what d’you want me to do? Kill him? Change him, modify his mind, alterate his personality? Or change you? Change your personal record to erase that nasty past of yours?

\- No, that would be cheating.

\- Phewww, so glad you didn’t accept! It was a test.

\- Really, girl? I…I mean… Is that so, my lady?

\- Hoo, I’m no lady to you. You’ve seen me at my worst, you’ve seen me when I had hit rock bottom, you’ve seen me be worse than human. You’re my best friend, my fucking…oh, sorry, my very-not-fucking big brother. But hey, good thing you recover good manners. Because guess what, I’m gonna help you become a fancy ass butler again.

\- So pleased to hear this. Would you be kind enough to expose your plan?

\- Simple, actually. I’ll talk to your brat while you travel in time and kick the shit out of your father.

\- I can see a default in this, Miss. I shall not be classified as an angel, and demons can’t willingly travel in time, unless they’re bound by a new contract.

\- Ooooh, guess what?

\- What?

\- Looks like I’m about to get fired!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I started this all serious and stuff but cracked in the middle, like I always do.


	4. Chapter 4

She gave one tender look to her wings and yelled “fuck this, I’m not a chicken nor a prostitute, I don’t need feathers, and you, I grant you the power to travel in time and get revenge for the child you were”.

Her wings immediately burst into flames, and she whispered “hey, Sebastian, would you be kind enough to extinguish the fire before quitting? I’ve no power anymore”. He did and left.

When she stepped outside the library, she saw a guy who kinda looked like Sebastian, but in a very drugged way. Before she knew it, he attacked her for no reason. When her back hit the ground, the only thing she thought was “hell, no need to try and rape me, you can’t”. Then she realized she wasn’t an angel anymore and smiled widely. Then she realized it was very weird to smile because you’re probably about to get raped. But the man quickly stood up and his face flushed red. “I’m sorry Madam, I mistook you for some sort of rubbish… Uh no, that’s not what I mean, but he was the only one in there, and then you’re coming out from it… Anyway, you’re not garbage, he is.” She cleared her throat and took her most perfect psycho voice to whisper in his ear “that’s my best friend you’re talking about, Reaper. And guess what? I’m not an angel anymore but I’m still a witch. You’d better apologize if you don’t want me to grant you with a perfect eyesight.”

Will’s brain froze (proof that he has one). A perfect eyesight would mean not mistaking a gorgeous girl for a man again, but also _to his horror_ not having to wear glasses or lenses again. Stop being a Grim Reaper. Give back Nancy _his Death Scythe.

“Sorry… Go to hell, y’all.” He mumbled. “oh yeah, I look forward to it”.

It was true she was still a witch, and her magic was starting to come back. She did a quick “three dots” ritual, to help her find her way to the Phantomhive mansion. She sneaked in and made her way to the office.

“Yo, there! Wake up boy, we’ve business to talk about!”

The little Earl was deeply asleep, dreaming of his former butler, but the voice startled him and he woke up indeed, his hair messy, his eyepatch not in place and a little string of drool connecting the corner of his mouth and the mahogany desk.

“Who are you? Get her out of here, Sebas…” his voice fainted.

“Yeah, don’t sweat it, he’ll come back. He’s dealing with some sort of unfinished business right now. And trust me, it’s for the best.”

Ciel was puzzled. How dare she talk to him like that?

“K, lemme explain. I’m from 2015, I’ve met S’tian as a teen, like you.”

His cheeks flushed red in shock. He really didn’t like being compared to someone else.

“Well, not like you. I’m not a slave to my anger, while you so totally are. Look at you, all butthurt by one fucking sentence. So, I’ve met him, he helped me, we became close and of course I fell in love with him. ‘Cause who wouldn’t. And that’s kinda why I’m here. I’ve loved this man as a lover before loving him as a brother. I know exactly what your mistake was.”

She paused to look at him, amused. He hesitated, swallowed and then asked:

“And what was it?

\- Hiding your feelings and then attack him with one bullet sentence, instead of letting said feelings develop like a flower and offer him that flower. Well… That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works. I actually wonder how you can be so dense. Yeah, I know, nothing you say comes out right, you can’t love without a fight. Ok, ok. Well I’m kinda here to help you. To help you both. ‘Cos guess what? When I pray for sun… sun comes right here. Seb has some issue he has to deal with. When he’ll be back, you’re gonna explain to him why you have those feelings for him.”

She stood. “And if you’re stupid enough to start with “you’re pretty”, I promise you I will personally torture you to death.” As she reached the door she turned to face him and said “kid, you’ll learn. You’re smart, I can see it in your eyes. Sebastian likes you _not as much as he loved me though, because I never was spoiled, but the time will come where you’ll understand how life works and then he’ll love you crazily. I kinda like you too, for you don’t look like the morons I was forced to cope with. You don’t seem to be all false friendship, politeness and parties. If you need help, I’ll be around. I know I may appear rude or strange, but hey, I’ve been high for almost 150 years. It’s a new start for both of us.” She was still a little bit jealous of Sebastian’s affection but she really wanted him to be happy. And in the bottom of her heart, she knew he wouldn’t stop loving her. On top of it, when she looked past her pride, she started to like the boy too. He was arrogant towards life and conducted his affairs in a selfish way, but it was only his strategy to recover. They really were two faces of the same medal.

Once alone, Ciel tried to process everything she had told. Clearly, she did not randomly end up there. She knew about him and Sebastian. Thinking of him made his cheeks warm and red. That meant…he talked to her. So he didn’t keep it secret, which was a very bad point, but he cared about it enough to talk to that girl, which was a fairly awesome point. The girl herself was… kind of like him, but a little bit more arrogant. He smiled at the idea.

At this very moment, the sound of a beast’s scream relieved Sebastian as he just broke Pinocchio’s nose. He looked at his dad’s face for the first time in centuries. After a few seconds, he stopped squeezing, and simply walked away from him before padding the little boy he was on the head and teleporting right in the office.

His dear young master was here. The most normal teenage boy he had ever met. His feelings towards him weren’t disgusting anymore. They were flattering and nice and… normal. Yeah, if it wasn’t for his dad, he could have had the same desires at the same age. He bowed while keeping eye contact and whispered “I’m back, young master. My apologies for being so long, loosing my vest and a chandelier, deteriorating our relationship with Grim Reapers and sending you an angel. And dinner is not ready.”

“Yeah, I noticed that, it’s been three days since dinner has been ready for the last time. All I eat is candy. Finny wants me to be as happy as I can so he and the others brought me a huge amount of sweets.

\- …Do you enjoyed it?

\- I’m about to throw up. It’s starting to taste like Lizzy’s dresses.

\- Oh my, Sebastian chuckled, it’s about time I cook you something good.

\- Don’t bother, I can’t swallow anything more. I swear I’m about to burst in candy like some piñata.

\- Piñatas are more colorful.”

He cupped the boy’s chin with her left hand, the right one resting on the desk, and kissed his lips softly. It lasted for a few seconds before he backed away.

“What are you doing?

\- Stealing your sugar away, young master, since you seem to be unhappy with it.

\- … yeah, the inside of my cheeks taste like raspberry lollipops. You can take some.”

The demon was about to do so when the boy interrupted. “No. Wait. Your crazy uneducated friend… She made a fairly good point, actually. So here. I want your lips on mine because it felt that good. They’re perfect. And you are…perfect too. You’re nice and kind, you don’t only obey my orders but also do your best to make me happy. I apologize for using you. I like your voice and your sarcasm and how you teach me stuff because you don’t treat me like the child I am not, and your nails and your hair you chose your haircut it’s so good-looking and the way you read poetry to me and how you hold me when I’m tired and your eyes they’re so deep and I love you.”

He told this all in once, without breathing. He should enter in some rap contest. His face was flustered with embarrassment and he was looking at his feet. He didn’t know it but the angel was right. He did learn fast.

“I love you…exactly”.

“I love you too, Ciel. Crazily.”

They kissed once more. By the end of the night, Ciel’s insides were clean of any trace of sugar left.

Oh, and the angel? When she was done talking to Ciel, she stepped outside the manor and laid on the tall grass to look at the sky where she used to belong. The sun wasn’t harming her retinas, but caressed her skin. It felt good. A joyful face appeared above her eyes and she blinked. “I like to do this, too!” said the blonde boy before laying next to her.

They talked for a while. As it turned out, he appeared to be a more mature version of Ciel, and his fate was similar to hers. Sebastian had help him free, and since then he was taking every little bit of happiness that crossed his path. He was nice, happy, cute, funny, open-minded and clumsy but smart.

They married three months later, on 07-24-1887 _exactly 110 years before her birth.

They lived happily ever after and adopted a lot of birds together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone told that revenge is the arrogance of the living ones. I think this really applies to Ciel, who chose to live all the remaining of his life obsessed with what happened. It’s perfectly reasonable to do this to get a fresh start afterwards, but if it’s to die right away… I can’t help but finding it pointless. I’ve always felt that no matter what happens to you, you can’t let bad things define your future. Don’t forget them, but look further and eventually use them to turn them into something good. That’s why I said Finny is a more mature Ciel. Of course, I realize Ciel embodies a more romantic vision of a knight or a poet or a hero of a tragedy, with an artistic dimension that should not be denied, and that is the reason this character is so particular and interesting. Obviously, we all like him here for what he is and does. But I think in real life (as we know it) he would be kind of annoying. I really don’t know about Victorian England though, I haven’t read enough about this place and time to know their social standards. If you’re willing to debate this or teach me about it, please feel free!
> 
> Also, just before Chapter 3 I started to wonder what turn I should give to this : I wanted a SebaCiel and that’s why I made the girl an angel, I didn’t want her to interfere, but what was I going to do with her? I felt bad for her:/ So here are the options I came up with:  
> 1\. put Ciel with the crazy Black Death chick (they would have so much fun together!) and Sebastian with his angel. But that would be the worst SebaCiel fanfic ever, without a single line of sebaciel in it!  
> 2\. sebaciel, and seb’ keeps being in love with the angel, just not screwing, ciel being ok with it and appreciating her. And her of course being perfectly happy. But idk, I think it’s worse than physical cheating.  
> 3\. the angel believes she can screw around and still be bitchin’, like supercool and nice (which isn’t untrue), and as it turns out, she was true and keeps being an angel. So an interracial threesome it would be. Like Master Yoda I started talking, but I don’t know why and I’m leaving these two sentences like this anyways.  
> 4\. Sebastian decides to find her and bring her to a new kind of heaven (hohoho-rrible pun), but after a while he understands he’s gay. And she dates Mey Rin. ‘Cos why not. But not satisfying.  
> 5\. And finally SebaCiel. Angel begins a perfectly platonic relationship with Finny, they live happily ever after and adopt a lot of birds together. (I just can’t stand the concept of Finny having “the talk” or discovering this kind of things, he’s just so…Peter Pan. _a bit like Nagisa from Clannad, that was a shock_ So that’s why I prefer to keep it platonic between them.)
> 
> If you want to read alternative endings, just ask and I’ll write them.  
> One again, sorry for crazily long notes.  
> If you liked this, check my other fic, Coccyx.


End file.
